Remember last week when I was as cool as a cucumober…this week not so much. I’m in full anxiety, pre-marathon freak out mode.
I could spend an entire post talking about how I am panicking about running a marathon on Sunday BUT I thought that would kind of be boring for you to read and unproductive for me to write. So instead I have a dating/running post for y’all.
How Tapering is Like A Break Up
1. SHOCK: What the hell just happened? Two weeks ago I was running 54 miles in a week, now I’m barely running at all. Just like in a break-up, you go through a period of SHOCK. Is this really happening?
2. FREEDOM. No more running? No more awful boyfriend holding me back? (Remember you broke up for a reason). This is the best thing that could happen!! You start looking up new things to do on the internet: Indie Movies, Trapeze Class, or Walking Tours of the City. You have SO MUCH TIME.
3. DENIAL. You probably start thinking, “Do I really need to taper?” or “Is our relationship really over?” You try a couple short taper runs, which ultimately leaves you wanting more. Forget the break-up, YOU WANT RUNNING BACK.
4. SADNESS. Maybe even Tears. You start listening to your Break-up mix on your iPod and tears starts streaming down your face. You start thinking about the good ol’ days (those 18 and 20 milers). You aren’t even in denial anymore…You are a Full On BASKET CASE.
5. SELF DOUBT and FEAR. Did I do enough? Did I give it my all during the relationship (OR training runs)? Was there something more I could have done? Could I have gone faster in my tempo runs? Am I good enough? Your anxiety sky rockets. You start having hot flashes.
6. FOOD: You start eating everything in sight. I mean you broke up (or can’t run)? Who cares what you eat? EAT YOUR FEELINGS. DO IT. It feels soo much better.
6(b). You start freaking out that you ate too much. What if we get back together? (OR What about the marathon?) How am I suppose to run a marathon after gaining 10 pounds? FUUUCCCCCKKKKKKK.
7. ACCEPTANCE. You learn to deal with it. Tapering (The Break-Up) is happening. It’s not the end of the world. You move on. Luckily with tapering, you have a Marathon to look forward to. And the taper only lasts two weeks. Unfortunately, a bad break-up can last wayyyy longer than two weeks (sooooo Good Luck With That).
MY MARATHON ACCEPTANCE:
BOOYAH.
{ 28 comments }
This is hilarious and all so true! Hang in there, taper week is rough but worth it in the end.
And here i thought i’d get some encouragement on the break up front. “Good Luck with That”. Guess i better get myself back into MARATHON TRAINING! who needs boys when you can run miles and miles and miles!
Love your blog! And I love this subject
I am currently training for my first marathon and I’m a little nervous about the tapering schedule. I like your humor about it and I’m sure I will find it helpful when I get to those taper weeks 
Good luck!!!!!
HaHA love it. That is all. You’re going to crush sub-4!
So awesome – and I especially love that you used the Friends examples. Aw, Friends. Good luck on Sunday!
this is so great!
I’m freaking out about Sunday too. Good luck!
Aaack, I guess I need to get a little more serious about tapering since I am pretty sure I’m going to do the OC Marathon on Sunday. Yeah tapering sucks, I suppose you could say I’m in denial.
omg, I love this post so much. For the many Friends references and the fact that it’s so right on! Hang in there – it’ll all be worth it come Sunday! You’ll be amazing
What happened to the part when you kick your ex-boyfriend in the face? Is that equivalent to running sub-4?
Exactly the equivalent.
I absolutely LOVE this post! Hilarious!
This totally made my day! SO funny! You’ve got this, you are going to be AWESOME on Sunday!!!
Wait, you did a Gossip Girl bus tour without me?!
Love the analogy!!! I can’t wait to see you crush the marathon this weekend!!
OMG seriously, this is my favorite post. EVER. You hit it on the head with this!! And I love that you used Friends for your pictures!! LOVE LOVE LOVE!
I’m so in love with this post, ESPECIALLY because of all of the FRIENDS references. Perfect. And perfect descriptions. You’re going to kill it on Sunday!
Hooray for Sunday, because that’s when you get an even better boyfriend than the one you broke up with. YOU GET A SUB-4 BOYFRIEND!
lol!!
Haha this is awesome. I am in the crazy minority who LOVED tapering (I also loved getting out of my last relationship).
oh I LOVE the taper. Less running = yes please. But I’m still an emotional basket case.
Pretty damned funny! I used to hate, Hate, HATE the taper … for all the reasons you describe (and a few others that I won’t go into). But, whether it came from experience of just plain being tired in my old age, I’ve learned to love that taper – even look forward to it!
Now, I go into it with the attitude that every single step I save, every single day, is just that much more STORED ENERGY I’ll have on race day. I also use the time to mentally rehearse for the race: review the course map so I know where all the landmarks, aid stations and (important!) porta-potties are. And I think about what I’ll do late in the race when things start to get rough: what’s going to push me through? What mantra will I use (have a few different ones to fit your need)? What pose will I strike when I cross the finish line?!
The one thing I haven’t yet conquered is not eating everything in sight!
GOOD LUCK!! Have a great race, and most of all, HAVE FUN!!!
Good luck! You WILL run it in under 4 hrs!
I started dreaming about Kraft Mac & Cheese a week before my first marathon.
All of this is insanely accurate. Good luck this weekend!
Thanks for the advice since I’m entering my taper next week! My last week of taper is the week after my graduation, and I won’t be working yet. That might be a scary situation with all that freedom, but I do have Friends DVDs that I could watch for hours. Good luck with your last few days of taper!
So true! Recently found your blog and can relate x100! I’m running my first marathon this weekend and you’ve nailed my thoughts and feelings!
Good luck on Sunday!
Good Luck on your first marathon!
Hilarious!!! lol and it made me miss watching Friends. Hang in there, it’s almost go time. You will run sub 4. You will run sub 4. I’ll be telepathically sending these thoughts to you Sunday
Hang on, you’re almost there! Sub-4! Sub-4!
And let’s do trapeze class, please.